Learning the Blessing of Mourning

Wow, where do I start?  This month has been one of the most roller-coaster months I have ever experienced.  In the course of one month, we have started school for the year, celebrated family birthdays(including my 30th!), traveled to Seattle twice, made some major life decisions (more on this later), received some surprising family news (more on this later, too), started a college course, celebrated the arrival of my newest nephew (welcome, baby Owen!), and lastly, received the shattering news of my uncle's murder.

For those of you who don't know me on Facebook, here's the quick recap: on Thursday evening (the 27th), there was a shooting in Minneapolis.  A disgruntled ex-employee went on a vengeful shooting spree at his former office, killing 4 people plus himself.  My uncle was an innocent bystander - the UPS delivery guy dropping off a package at the wrong time.

My Uncle Keith

My uncle, Keith Basinski, was an amazing person.  Everyone loved him.  He radiated happiness and joy.  He was genuine and giving.  I remember his selfless hospitality - we always stayed at his house when we visited Minneapolis and he was always willing to do whatever to help us feel comfortable and welcome.  Mark said that he holds a special place in his heart as well - so full of joy and kindness.  Learning of his death was quite a blow. 

Death is hard to process by itself, but I've learned this week that murder is a different story altogether.  It's so dark, so evil. 

I've been working through my grief these last few days.  My uncle was a believer, so I have the comfort of knowing his destiny and that he is with the Father right now.  But it is still hard to have someone snatched from life so quickly, so cruelly.

Mark has been reading a book about the Beatitudes, and he suggested the next chapter, which was on mourning.  So I read it this morning in my quiet time, and it really ministered to me, so I wanted to pass along some of the most poignant passages here.

"Mourning means they have given up their self-delusions about control, power and protection.  They know that life is fragile, and that they are not in charge."

"Only when life jolts us do we see the real picture of our existence, that we depend on God's graciousness for every breath.  Mourning brings about the acute awareness of powerlessness - an essential ingredient in spiritual growth."

"Yeshua looked out on the brokenhearted in the crowd and saw that some were ready, posed to accept the incredible announcement about to be theirs.  they were ready because they were the blessed ones.  God could reach them, now, in the moment of their raw openness."

"Yeshua knows that this comfort has two critical elements.  First, it is comfort found only by those who are at this moment open because of their agony.  And secondly, it is a promise that reaches beyond the immediate."

"It is the guarantee that no matter what crisis comes upon us, God is here.  God is in control.  Our lives are not adrift on a stormy sea of emotional trauma.  The Holy Spirit will stand as our Advocate when we fall.  He will intercede.  All of His unfathomable power, care and love will be ours because God hears our cry."

"So grief comes upon us, not as a judgment or a punishment but as the single most clarifying moment of life - the moment that I see that my life is not my own, that it is not even mine to keep.  At that moment, when I know my limits most intimately, I am ready to hear God's message - comfort is upon me."

My prayer in all this is that through grief, many people who were blessed by my Uncle Keith's life will be even more blessed through his death.  May they find the One who was the source of my uncle's joy, the foundation of his giving and generous life.

"Oh, so happy are those who at this moment are broken over life's finality because the day is upon them when God's gracious love is at hand and they have the promise that death is defeated."

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." - Matthew 5:4

A few links honoring my uncle, Keith Basinski:

http://www.kare11.com/news/article/992930/396/UPS-driver-killed-in-shooting-remembered-as-a-gentle-spirit

http://www.myfoxtwincities.com/video?clipId=7779705&autostart=true

http://www.twincities.com/localnews/ci_21654524/minneapolis-shooting-ups-driver-was-devout-christian-packers

http://fridley.patch.com/articles/amazing-gentle-minneapolis-shooting-victim-keith-basinski-of-spring-lake-park-remembered

* All quotes except for Scripture are taken from "The Lucky Life - The Backwards Beatitudes," by Skip Moen, D.Phil.

Today We Are Celebrating!

Today in our home we are celebrating something special - the birth of the man who God has given to us as a husband and daddy! 

Mark is one of the most amazing men I have ever had the privilege of knowing, and I feel so blessed to be his wife.  He has integrity, passion, and loyalty.  He is an incredible daddy, who adores his children and really enjoys developing deep relationships with each one of them.  He is a devoted husband, who really tries hard to understand and honor me.  He takes care of my needs, placing them above his own.

I love him dearly and passionately, and I just wanted everyone to know that. 

~ Judy

Uncomplicating My Life a Bit

After a wonderful date with my beloved hubby last night, I took some time to re-assess my priorities.  I tend to over-complicate my life with massive to-do lists, projects that I take on without considering the ramifications, and unrealistic expectations for myself and others around me.

So I decided to figure out what my top priorities are right now, and put the rest in a "closet" for the time being.  Here's what I've come up with:

Top Priorities:

  1.  Foster an environment for our family that is God-centered, peaceful, and joyful.

I'm going to do this by praying with my children daily, focusing on maintaining a right attitude in myself throughout the day, and modelling godliness for my children.

  2.  Develop and implement a routine for myself and our children, and support Mark in his own routine.

To do this, I'm going to create a routine chart for my kids (and stick by it!).  Major focuses will be our start-of-the-day routines, focusing on school when we're doing it, and getting to bed on time.

  3.  Develop local relationships!

This might be challenging (especially for my introverted self), but we're going to do our best to reach out and meet people.  I will hopefully be able to get our Mom Heart group started up soon (if you live locally, please contact me if your interested!), and we will be starting a weekly HaYesod group to study the foundations of the Christian faith on September 8th (again, if you're interested, let me know!).  I'm also going to connect with a local homeschooling group as well as La Leche League.

  4.  Finish my associate's degree

I will be taking CLEP tests in US History, Sociology, and Human Growth/Development over the next couple of months, as well as probably enrolling for a science course at BSU.  I'm planning to graduate in May 2013.

I think the hardest thing about all of this is all of the things that I have to put away in the "closet" for the time being.  I have so many goals that I am working towards that I need to set aside in order to make this happen.  It's so hard to admit to myself that I can't do everything, but I know that it is for the best.  Hopefully in a few months, I will be able to dig a few of those long-term goals out of the closet again and tell you about them!

~ Judy

Free To Be Me

I was chatting with my friend last week about how things have changed for me since moving here. Prior to our move, I had lived in Washington for 9 1/2 years. It is where I feel I really became an adult, where I got married, and where I became a mother. I developed a lot of my self-identity in those things, as well as things that went along with them, such as being a home-birther (and childbirth educator), lactation advocate and peer educator, and an attachment parent.

And while these things are still really important to me, I also feel like there's a part of me that has woken up since being here. It's the part of me that is just Judy. There's such freedom in not knowing anyone and getting to start over. I get to decide who I want to be without any outside influence. I don't really have any social life, which frees me up to focus on my relationships with HaShem and my family.

And that is what I've been doing. Reinventing myself. Being who I want to be. Figuring out what is important to me and making those things my focus. Praying more about everything. Cherishing the life that I have been given - it is a gift!

~ Judy

An Early Bird Stuck in a Night Owl's Body

I'm convinced - I am an early bird who is stuck in a night owl's body! If left to itself, my body will naturally wake up around 8-9am and go to bed between 12-1am. I've been this way as long as I can remember.

For years, I have wished that I could wake up earlier without extreme effort. In high school, I had to put my alarm clock on the other side if the room AND cover the snooze button with cotton to keep myself from turning it off in my mostly-asleep state and going back to bed. In college, I got the worst grades in my earliest classes, often because I just couldn't get myself there. And now, as a mom, it means I wake up with my kids and get my alone time late at night.

This might work out fine for me except for one *small* detail - those rare days when I wake up early are amazing! I love them. I love waking before my family and spending time alone in prayer and thought in a quiet house. Being the introvert that I am, I get my energy from those alone times, and starting my day that way gives me such a better perspective and attitude about the rest of the day.

Back when I was pregnant with Avigail, for the first time as a parent, I was able to get into a routine that enabled me to wake up early. For a couple of blissful months, I woke up around 7am, got ready, and went downstairs to read, pray, and think before the kids woke up for the day. The trick for me at that time was buying a new coffeemaker that I could set the night before. Knowing that I would get my fix, hot and fresh, as soon as I got downstairs was enough to coax me out of bed most mornings. Well, that and the fact that if I waited too long it would be burnt! It was still hard, but so worth it. And with each day my resolve grew stronger.

But eventually Avigail was born, and my time was no longer my own. Sleeping through the night became a faint memory, and I returned to my former pattern of late nights and late mornings. Even on the mornings when my babe didn't allow me to sleep in, I was still living in a constant state of new mom sleep deprivation.

So, that brings me to today. It's been over 9 months since our little girl entered our lives, and while sleeping through the night is still an elusive escape artist who I'm pretty sure won't be returning anytime soon, I'm ready to put my game face back on! Life is flying by at a dizzying speed, and I desperately want to be at a place in myself where I be present in and can cherish every moment. And for me, I know that will include bringing out the early bird in me!

And so it is with great trepidation that I share my morning routine!

- Bedtime (with a clean house, preferably): 10:30-11:00pm | First of all, an early morning has to start with an early bedtime. This has been a major struggle for me, but Mark and I are on the same page, so we're trying to encourage each other in that area.

- Wake up, shower, get dressed: 7:00am | My ultimate goal is 6:30 so that I have a half-hour to work out, but for now this is where I am.

- Head downstairs for tea, Bible reading, and prayer time: 7:30am | I recently gave up coffee in favor of the less-intense effects of tea. I quit cold-turkey and felt like a rock star. :-D

- Kids & Breakfast: 8:00am | This is when the kids typically start making their way downstairs. I'm working on making a habit of spending a few minutes focused on each child as they wake up (inspired by a friend of mine). Then I start breakfast and do dishes, and on goes our morning!

My morning isn't complete without these two things.  Well, and the iPod.  :-)

Is there anyone else out there trying to become more self-disciplined about their personal time?  Anyone other early birds stuck in night owl bodies?  Leave a comment and let's encourage each other!

~ Judy

Why a Blog?

In my introductory post, I said that I thought my friend was crazy for suggesting that I blog. So, why am I doing it? That's a very good question!

I suppose there are 2 reasons that I decided to take the plunge. In part, this blog is a way to share my life (and our family's life) with my friends and family who don't live nearby us. But another part - and I believe the more compelling motive - is that lately I have been doing a lot of thinking and growing, and I want an outlet to share my thoughts, receive some feedback, and hopefully encourage and challenge some other people along the way.

This blog will be a combination of my thoughts about different aspects of life: God, faith, family, and personal growth, as well as a place to share a bit about our family's adventures.

Welcome!

My Blogging Adventure Begins!

A few weeks ago, a good friend said I should start a blog. At the time, I thought she was crazy - I'm already a stay-at-home-mom to 4 kids age 6 and under and keep myself pretty busy! But the idea has been hanging out in the back of my mind ever since, and here I am!

I feel like I should introduce myself now, but how do you explain who you are to an audience you can't see? Well, here it goes...

My name is Judy, and I'm a blessed to be "Mama" to four beautiful children. My husband is my best friend and my rock. My relationship with God is real, lasting, and impacts everything I do. I'm a Messianic Believer, and enjoy living out my faith in obedience to God's Word.

Other than my God, my family, and my friends, I am also passionate about a few other things including homeschooling, attachment parenting, breastfeeding, and natural childbirth. I'm a total bookworm! In addition to the stuff I already mentioned, you'll find books on my shelf about Biblical motherhood, holistic health, nutrition, infant & child psychology, knitting & crochet, drawing, photography, and graphic design.

Looking forward to sharing some of my life with you!

~ Judy