New Blog Address!

If you are still coming to my blog via Blogger.com (http://liferichlylived.blogspot.com), please change your bookmark to go directly to my URL: http://liferichlylived.com.

I am no longer using Blogger for my blog, so this site will not receive updates.

Thanks!
Judy

This Crazy, Beautiful Life

It's been a crazy, busy month here in our home! In the past month, I have taken 3 trips out-of-state, leaving my kids (except Avigail) for the first and second times. It has been challenging, but it has been good. Even my trip to Minnesota for my uncle's funeral was a good trip - getting to be there with my family for this difficult time was priceless.

Now that I'm home, we're working on getting back into a routine.  We've restarted school again after a 3-week break.  I'm so thankful that my home was kept in great shape (thanks especially to my wonderful mom-in-law!), but I'm trying to get caught up on the random chores that tend to get neglected when I'm busy.

And on top of all of that, I'm super tired because... I'm pregnant again!  Yep, we'll be welcoming another sweet little one to our family next May.

And I think this is where I want to go for this blog.  I've been trying to figure out what to blog about, because I have had so much on my mind lately that it's been hard to focus it all into a cohesive thought.  But I think that what the Lord has been teaching me has a lot of value, and hopefully you will be able to glean something from it as well.

Finding out that I was pregnant was not just surprising, but rather terrifying.  To be brutally honest, when I saw that second blue line, I sobbed and sobbed - body-racking, uncontrollable sobs.  When I was finally able to stop, it wasn't for long - I cried many times during that first day.

See, way back when Mark and I first had Eliza, we wanted to have five children.  And that has been the case ever since.  But when I was pregnant with Avigail, Mark told me that he was thinking that he really wanted to be done having children with four.  I told him that if the baby was born a girl, I would probably be okay with that, but if it was a boy, I'd want to try again for a girl.  :-)  He sorta-agreed with me, and we left it at that.  It was still very stressful for me.  I didn't feel done having children, didn't feel complete, didn't feel ready to end that season of my life.  Then Avigail was born, and the talks began again.  I actually struggled a lot with depression because of it. Even though I was sorta-okay with the idea, it was like a part of me would have to die.  But I love my husband, and I totally understand that he's exhausted with parenting young children and ready to move on to the next season of life.  And over the next year, I finally came to a place where I agreed with him.  I was ready to move on.  While I knew I'd miss getting to have another baby, I also knew that I'd always wonder what it would be like to have just one more!

Anyway, back to my story.  So, I'd wrestled with all sorts of emotions over the past year in coming to a point where I was excited about being done having children and being ready to move beyond diapers and sleepless nights.  And no sooner had that happened (and we'd decided to take the next step towards that), than this happened.  It was as if God was answering us with a firm "No."  I didn't understand it.  Why?  Why had God caused me to get pregnant when I shouldn't have been able to?  Why didn't He listen to my exhausted husband's heart's desire?  Why did He wait for me to finally come to grips with not having any children, just to yank the rug out from under me with this shocking news?  And why did He pick me (again) instead of one of those couples who can't have children and want so desperately to??  I was angry, hurt, sad, frustrated.  I felt so lost, and walked around all day in a daze.  I called my best friend, my mom, and my mom-in-law - all in tears.  It was a hard, long day.

But in the back of my mind, I knew that I really didn't have an option.  I really didn't have a right to question God, a right to argue with His infinite wisdom and power.  So I had my day-long pity party, and went to bed an emotional mess.

The next morning, I came downstairs for my quiet time.  Thankfully I was up before the kids were, so my quiet time was actually quiet.  Ahh..  I opened up my gratitude journal, as is my habit first thing.  But I couldn't think of a single thing to be thankful for.  My heart was hurting and raw.  I began to cry again.  I sat there on the couch, talking my thoughts out to the Lord.

"Why, God?  I don't understand!"
"I'm SO tired, so very tired."
"Why did you let me finally get to be okay with being done and then put this on me?"
"I can't do this again!"  

And one by one, the Father answered me with His calm, sure words.

"Yes, Judy, you can do it."
"You have learned so much through each of your children, but I have more that I still want to teach you."
"I want you to trust Me.  Trust that I know best.  Trust that I will give you the strength you need."
"You will come out of this stronger, and better equipped for the life I have for you, but you have to trust Me."

As I began to let go of my own worries, He filled me with peace - and even a bit of joy!  I'm not saying there aren't times when I still struggle.  It's been 4 weeks already since I found out, and I'm still not always very joyful about it.  But if I keep my eyes on my Creator, He helps me see the joy and the blessing.  Remember this post? (You Are Joy)  This was my heart's meditation that day, and it still is now. God IS Joy - He IS Peace - He IS Love.  And His ways - they are perfect.

Learning the Blessing of Mourning

Wow, where do I start?  This month has been one of the most roller-coaster months I have ever experienced.  In the course of one month, we have started school for the year, celebrated family birthdays(including my 30th!), traveled to Seattle twice, made some major life decisions (more on this later), received some surprising family news (more on this later, too), started a college course, celebrated the arrival of my newest nephew (welcome, baby Owen!), and lastly, received the shattering news of my uncle's murder.

For those of you who don't know me on Facebook, here's the quick recap: on Thursday evening (the 27th), there was a shooting in Minneapolis.  A disgruntled ex-employee went on a vengeful shooting spree at his former office, killing 4 people plus himself.  My uncle was an innocent bystander - the UPS delivery guy dropping off a package at the wrong time.

My Uncle Keith

My uncle, Keith Basinski, was an amazing person.  Everyone loved him.  He radiated happiness and joy.  He was genuine and giving.  I remember his selfless hospitality - we always stayed at his house when we visited Minneapolis and he was always willing to do whatever to help us feel comfortable and welcome.  Mark said that he holds a special place in his heart as well - so full of joy and kindness.  Learning of his death was quite a blow. 

Death is hard to process by itself, but I've learned this week that murder is a different story altogether.  It's so dark, so evil. 

I've been working through my grief these last few days.  My uncle was a believer, so I have the comfort of knowing his destiny and that he is with the Father right now.  But it is still hard to have someone snatched from life so quickly, so cruelly.

Mark has been reading a book about the Beatitudes, and he suggested the next chapter, which was on mourning.  So I read it this morning in my quiet time, and it really ministered to me, so I wanted to pass along some of the most poignant passages here.

"Mourning means they have given up their self-delusions about control, power and protection.  They know that life is fragile, and that they are not in charge."

"Only when life jolts us do we see the real picture of our existence, that we depend on God's graciousness for every breath.  Mourning brings about the acute awareness of powerlessness - an essential ingredient in spiritual growth."

"Yeshua looked out on the brokenhearted in the crowd and saw that some were ready, posed to accept the incredible announcement about to be theirs.  they were ready because they were the blessed ones.  God could reach them, now, in the moment of their raw openness."

"Yeshua knows that this comfort has two critical elements.  First, it is comfort found only by those who are at this moment open because of their agony.  And secondly, it is a promise that reaches beyond the immediate."

"It is the guarantee that no matter what crisis comes upon us, God is here.  God is in control.  Our lives are not adrift on a stormy sea of emotional trauma.  The Holy Spirit will stand as our Advocate when we fall.  He will intercede.  All of His unfathomable power, care and love will be ours because God hears our cry."

"So grief comes upon us, not as a judgment or a punishment but as the single most clarifying moment of life - the moment that I see that my life is not my own, that it is not even mine to keep.  At that moment, when I know my limits most intimately, I am ready to hear God's message - comfort is upon me."

My prayer in all this is that through grief, many people who were blessed by my Uncle Keith's life will be even more blessed through his death.  May they find the One who was the source of my uncle's joy, the foundation of his giving and generous life.

"Oh, so happy are those who at this moment are broken over life's finality because the day is upon them when God's gracious love is at hand and they have the promise that death is defeated."

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." - Matthew 5:4

A few links honoring my uncle, Keith Basinski:

http://www.kare11.com/news/article/992930/396/UPS-driver-killed-in-shooting-remembered-as-a-gentle-spirit

http://www.myfoxtwincities.com/video?clipId=7779705&autostart=true

http://www.twincities.com/localnews/ci_21654524/minneapolis-shooting-ups-driver-was-devout-christian-packers

http://fridley.patch.com/articles/amazing-gentle-minneapolis-shooting-victim-keith-basinski-of-spring-lake-park-remembered

* All quotes except for Scripture are taken from "The Lucky Life - The Backwards Beatitudes," by Skip Moen, D.Phil.

Happy Rosh Hashanah!

I love Rosh Hashanah. It's the beginning of the new year, the celebration of new beginnings. It's the start of the Ten Days of Awe, a time of introspection, repentance and forgiveness. And it's a celebration of the kingship of our Messiah Yeshua!

Biblically, Rosh Hashanah is called Yom Teruah, the Feast of Trumpets. The only details that HaShem gives us for how we celebrate this day are that it is a holy convocation - a day to assemble together, a sabbath - a day to rest, and that we are to hear the shofar/trumpet blown. (Leviticus 23:23-25)

HaShem has always placed high significance in the shofar blast. It was the sound that came from Mount Sinai at the giving of the Torah, and has been used in battle as well as worship throughout Israel's history.

But why did HaShem establish an entire holiday for the purpose of listening to the shofar blast? I believe the answer is found in 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17:

For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord.

Not only has the shofar blast been important in times past, but it will be important in the time to come!

Be blessed this new year and always - Shana Tova!
~Judy

*For more information about the shofar, check out this link:
http://www.hebrew4christians.com/Holidays/Fall_Holidays/Elul/Shofar/shofar.html