My Baby is One!

Watermelon instead of cake for this baby!

Yesterday, my baby girl turned one year old. It is a bittersweet day for me. I am so ecstatically happy that the Lord gave us Avigail - she is such a gift! Her sweet smile and gentle snuggles melt our hearts. Her love for her siblings brings a smile to my face on a constant basis. But her first year has completely flown by, and I am struggling to come to grips with that.  I am finding myself clinging desperately to her babyhood, wishing I could slow time.

She just realized that we're singing to HER!

As parents to small children, it can be very overwhelming at times.  Their needs are intense, and there are so many of them!  Mark and I have often caught ourselves lamenting our lack of freedom, and looking forward (maybe too much) to the days when our children will be able to take care of themselves a bit more.  It has become difficult to appreciate this stage of life for what it is.  But is the problem really the crazy intensity that is our life?  Or is the problem our attitude about it?

She loves it!

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Over the past few months, as we have settled in here and I have had more time to ponder our home and family life, there are some things about this stage that the Lord has really pressed upon me.

First of all, I need to accept each day for what it is, and consider it a blessing.  Every single day, I start my day by writing a few entries into my gratitude journal. By starting out this way, I have found it easier to return to it when I'm struggling later on.  There is so much power in thankfulness!

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you" - I Thessalonians 5:18

Second, I need to have realistic expectations for my children.  They are supposed to act like young children - that is what they are!  If the Lord wanted kids to be born mature, He would've created them that way.  But instead, He gives them to us completely dependent - dependent on us to help them walk through the stages of life, to grow and develop.

Third, I need to remember that our children are like plants in a garden - given the right environment, they will grow.  My job is not to try to force growth and maturity on my kids, my job is to foster an environment where growth is encouraged.  That means that I have to be a mature person, and model those character traits that I'd like to see developed in my children.  Of course, those things that they struggle with so much also tend to be the same things that I struggle with, making this step so hard but so necessary!

Lastly, I need to remember that God has given me children to bring me closer to Him.  These daily struggles that I have with how I choose to approach my relationship with my children have the power to deeply change me.  I have blogged about this a bit before (click), but it's such a powerful truth to embrace that I want to mention it again today.  Through our relationships with our children, the Lord can work through sin and struggles in our own lives, bringing us into a closer relationship with Him!

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So, as I embark on my baby's second year of life, it is with a renewed conviction and determination to embrace life as it happens!  I want to soak in every moment of her remaining baby/toddlerhood (ouch, it hurts to see that word "toddler" on the page!), and not just for her, but for each of my children. I want to cherish my children, to enjoy them, to truly love them in a deep way - thankful for the blessings that they are in my life!

With you on the journey,
~ Judy

Getting Through the Dry Times

Internet has a funny way of altering reality, doesn't it?  I enjoy the outlets of social media such as Facebook and blogging, especially now that we've moved and I'm physically away from most of my friends.  It's great being able to stay connected online. But we all have a tendency to present only the best part of ourselves online, don't we?  It's really not reality.  I mean, when is the last time one of your friends posted a photo of their child throwing a tantrum, or of herself crying at the end of a hard day?  This whitewashed view of people's lives around us can cause us to judge our own lives wrongly, and can make us feel inadequate and incapable.  And I am not immune.

This morning, after my quiet time, I sat on the couch trying to figure out what to blog about.  I've been quiet on my blog for a week or so now, and for the past few days I've been thinking about different ideas that I've had for possible posts.  I even posted about my dilemma on Facebook.  And a dear friend gave me some great advice: Just be real.  This morning, as I was pondering my different blog ideas and my friend's advice, I realized that to blog about any other than what I'm about to write would not be real.  So here it goes!

As I was saying, I am not immune to the nuances of internet communication.  I both struggle with judging myself based on other people's cute haircuts, happy kid pictures, and awesome dinners, as well as the temptation to always present myself as put-together, with a happy family.  So today, I want to share about my week - my real week.

Things have been kind of challenging this week, and many evenings I wanted nothing more than to get into Mark's car and drive away for a long time.  We have struggled with a nasty cycle - you know, the one where your children have had a rough week, which makes you feel inadequate and cranky, which makes them feel & behave worse!  Yeah, that's been our week.  For some reason, my 6-year-old, who is normally mature and able to reason very well for her age, has been struggling with a lot of anger and has had several tantrums - one of which was in the grocery store.  Ugh.  My boys have been fighting and hitting/pinching a lot.  And my babe is cutting 4 teeth, and hasn't been sleeping well, leaving both of us extra tired all day long.

And as a result of this, I have been feeling very overwhelmed and inadequate.  I'm having a hard time connecting with them (and therefore not able to give them what they really need to work through these issues).  I've been testy with my dear husband.  It's just been an "Ugh" week that I've been looking forward to seeing the end of.  So, here I am at the end of it.  I'm very thankful for a husband who understands my need for alone time, and has graciously given me an hour this morning to read, pray, think, and hopefully reset.

Now that I've done that, I can honestly say that I feel a lot better, a lot more capable of being the mother that I want and my children need me to be.  I'm giving myself some grace, replenishing my cup with God's word and the encouraging words of a great author, drinking a yummy cup of tea, and taking a deep breath.  My job as a mommy is the highest calling I have.  HaShem has entrusted me with these 4 little lives, and He chose me to be their mother!

Maybe you've had a week like mine, and can relate.  I want to wrap up this post by listing out some things that I can think of to help you in your attempt to reset:

• Give yourself some grace. Remember that ups and downs are normal and even beneficial.  Those down times can teach us a lot too!

• Be thankful.  Keeping a gratitude journal has really helped my maintain a healthy focus and perspective.  I highly recommend it!

• Take some time out.  Go out to coffee by yourself or with a good friend.  Go for a walk/drive.  

• Talk to God.  Be real with Him about how you feel and your thoughts.  He knows them anyway and it can feel really good to voice them!

• Enjoy something beautiful.  Music, art, and poetry have a powerful way of working in us.  You may enjoy creating something as well.

• Find some alone time with each of your children and talk to them.  Apologize.  Apologies are powerful for restoring relationships, and it sets a godly example. Encourage them with things you appreciate about them, and how God wants to see them grow and develop.  

• Go on a date with your husband, and talk things through with him.  Sometimes husbands can be a great source of encouragement and healthy perspective.

• Do something physical.  Sometimes we need to release stress in a physical way, whether that be going for a run, doing some gardening, or lifting weights.

Do you have another way that you reset from a hard week?  Share in the comments!  And now, I'm off to nurse my teething babe!

~ Judy

Being a Servant Mother

Yesterday I wrote a quick note about the challenge that the Lord had placed before me yesterday. I didn't realize it at the time, but the next chapter in "The Mission of Motherhood" is entitled, "The Servant Mother."  This morning, after my prayer and Bible study, I opened up my book to this next chapter and was deeply moved.  I believe that HaShem showed me that little snippet yesterday to prepare my spirit to receive what He wanted to teach me today - so if you haven't read yesterday's post yet, please do that really quick! (Link)

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Today's reading brought tears to my eyes.  As a mom, completely immersed in the routine - and often mundane - tasks of motherhood, I tend to think a lot about the future.  "Someday, my kids will be able to cook/do laundry/clean house for themselves," and "I can't wait until I get to sleep through the night/go out for more than 2 hours alone again" are thoughts I have on a daily basis.  And I will admit, I struggle with resenting all of the time and energy that my children consume with minimal gratitude in return. 

In this all-consuming calling of motherhood, it is vital that we remember why we are doing all of this! 

"When we choose to graciously overlook our children's messes and accidents, we are teaching them to be patient and forgiving with the mistakes of others.  When we react sensitively, thoughtfully, and patiently to them, we are helping to instill these qualities in their lives.  As they benefit from our unconditional love, they learn to extend it to to others as well.  As they watch us extend hospitality, care for others, and pray for them, they learn to make service a part of life.  And as they observe us searching Scripture, spending time with the Lord, and making faith-based decisions, they learn these things as well.  Modeling loving service to our children gives them something to emulate in their own lives."  -Mission of Motherhood, p.66

Just as our Lord, Yeshua served His disciples and followers, we are called to serve the children that He has given to us to disciple!  And this calling is one of infinite importance! But how do we do that?

"What does it mean to practice servant leadership as a mother? I believe it starts out with a choice.  I have to choose to serve Christ by giving my time and energy to my children - not just when I feel like it but when they need me. This means I often must sacrifice my own needs and desires for the purpose of giving my children what they need and modeling for them the depths of Christ's love... Choosing to be a servant-mother means willingly giving up myself, my expectations, and my time to the task of mothering - and choosing to believe that doing so is the best use of my time at that moment.  It means that, by faith, I have already made a decision to make myself available in the routine tasks and myriad interruptions of daily life because I believe it is God's will for me to serve my family through them." -Mission of Motherhood, p.66-67

I love how she says, "...and choosing to believe that doing so is the best use of my time at that moment."  That's what it's really all about, isn't it?  We struggle with resentment because we wish we were doing something else.  Because we don't embrace that serving our children really is the best thing we could possibly do at any given time.  So hard.  So important.  So life-giving.

Today, this will be my meditation.  As I go about my daily tasks and care for my kiddos, I am going to work to remember that serving them IS the best use of my time at any moment.  Serving them is serving my Lord.

~Judy

A Little Challenge for Today

A short but intensely-powerful challenge for you today:

I like to read inspiring and challenging book as part of my quiet time every morning.  Currently I am re-reading "The Mission of Motherhood" in preparation for the MomHeart group I hope to be starting up soon.  I read chapter three today, entitled "The Undivided Heart," and was reminded of something very important.

When we are mothering our children, we are not only serving them, but we are serving Yeshua!  By being gentle to my children, by being compassionate and empathetic to their needs, and by being present with them throughout their daily trials, I am serving my Lord. At the same time, I am setting an example to them of how the Lord wants us to treat each other, and demonstrating His love for us!  What a powerful act of service!

~ Judy